Don't say Goodbye
by Dahnee
Summary: When Sora says it's over, Riku's willing to go to anyone for comfort, even someone he thought he hated.
1. Separate Paths

**Hello there!** Da'Ni here with her first KH fanfic  
This is actually based on a dream I hade once.  
Kind of AU-ish...  
Well, before you start reading, I suppose I could warn you about what you'll find in this little gem...

**Warning:** This fic contains yaoi. Yeah, that's right. Man lovin' man. Boy lovin' boy. You know the stuff. Don't like it, don't read it. That's all. There will be coarse language, of course, as Riku's playing co-main character. And if there are any other future warnings, I'll include them in the correct chapters.

**Disclaimer:** This will probably be one of the few times you see this, but just to make sure; I do not own anything of Kingdom Hearts, except my copy of the game. Heck, I own barely anything. I'm just a poor author! Leave me alone. :)

Anyways, without further ado, I present to you:

**_Don't say Goodbye Chapter 1: Separate Paths_**

* * *

"What are you talking about!" The hurt in his aquamarine eyes burned brightly, the first tears forming in their corners as he looked at his companion. His voice trembled with uncertainty, with fear-things he had never felt before. He'd always been the cool, calm, collected one, the brave leader, the courageous warrior. Where was courage now, had it failed him outright when his partner's voice spoke those dreaded words mere moments ago? "This isn't working out..." The boy had said, sounding and looking utterly dejected, but no fear. The fear was his alone. Those simple, barely polysyllabic four words provoking the only weakness he knew of, the fear of being alone. 

"This. Us, Riku. It's just not right." The boy replied, his ocean blue eyes falling to the floor, waiting for something, waiting for the silver-haired boy to become enraged. He knew Riku well, hell, they'd been a couple for about three years, and the green-eyed male always got mad when things didn't go quite his way. But, the anger didn't come, the yelling didn't surface. Instead, his companion was crying, face buried in his hands as his body shook with sobs. Oh, why couldn't he have shouted? Why did he have to cry! The Riku he knew never cried, never. Guilt flooded through him, unhindered. He reached a hand out towards the male next to him, placing it on his shoulder in hopes of reassurance. All his hopes faded, however, when his silver-haired partner jerked away and glared at him with furious jade eyes, cheeks dampened with tears.

"How could you, Sora! All this time, you said you loved me. All these years, you led me on. You never cared!" Riku accused, his voice breaking more with every word. The raging guilt that had been building up within the younger male doubled repetitively. He'd guessed that his boy - wait - exboyfriend would become angry and pitch a fit. He hadn't expected the water works and accusations based on fright. He had never wanted to hurt Riku. Sora really did care for him, just not in the same way anymore. He'd loved the platinum haired youth at one point in his life, but along the way, that love changed into something more... brotherly.

"I did care, Riku. I still do and I always will. I never led you on. I never lied to you. I did love you, but some things aren't meant to last. I can't continue with this relationship knowing that what I feel for you isn't love anymore. I'm sorry, Riku. I know I'm horrible and you probably never want to see me again. I'll do you a favor and leave now. But know that if you ever need me, ever, I'll always be there. I'll be staying with Squall if you need to find me." With that, Sora stood up and crossed the living room to the door. He needed to get out of there before he gave into Riku. Turning his boyfriend of three years away had been hard enough, seeing him cry was like a million knives being plunged into his chest. Ever since they were little kids, Sora had always wanted to make his jade-eyed best friend proud of him, to make him happy. Even before the two had fallen head-over-heels in love with each other, the younger male had never been able to tell Riku 'no'. That had never changed, despite how Sora's feelings for his friend had roller-coastered. If he were to stay with Riku while he was in that state, there was no telling what he might do.

Back inside the house, it took the older male a while to process what his now exboyfriend had said. _Squall? Who the hell is th-OH Crap! Leon! Since when does Leon let anyone call him by his first name? Could there have been something between the two? Is there still?_ Riku bolted from the couch and stormed towards the door, but that was as far as he made it. As his fingertips brushed the doorknob, a wave of overwhelming sadness crashed into him. Sora had left, Sora was gone, he'd closed the door. While the action itself may have been simple enough, it spoke a million words to Riku. When he'd left their house, when he'd shut that front door, he'd shown that he'd meant what he'd said. There would be no more nights when Riku would come home from work and be greeted by his cheery partner. There would be no more weekends of old movies, pizza, popcorn, and snuggling. There would never be another morning when he would wake up to Sora's smiling face. It was really over and that's what scared Riku the most. He cried his heart out that night, laying in a crumpled heap by the door. He cried out every fear he'd ever suppressed, he cried for every time he'd held back tears, and, most of all, he cried for Sora.

x.x.x

The chilly evening breezes drifted around the cinnamon-haired youth, pulling him into a chilly embrace. He should have thought things through more thoroughly before approaching Riku. At least he'd set up an arrangement with Squall, there was no way he could have stayed in that house, there were too many memories painted on the walls for him to bear. Plus, Riku would be there. Sora shivered and wrapped his arms around himself in hopes of warding away the cold. Lucky enough for him, Squall didn't live that far away. In fact, his house was right around the corner. He could see it as he trudged along the sidewalk. Squall was an odd man. He insisted on being called Leon, part of his surname, and was very introverted. As far as Sora knew, the man only let Cloud and himself call him by his first name. Cloud because he was Squall's former boyfriend and Sora because he was Leon's closest friend. When he'd told Squall his plan, he offered to share his home with Sora while he got back on his feet. After all, the two had been dependant, heavily, on one another practically since they were born.

All this thinking had brought him up the four steps to Leon's door, which he rapped his knuckles on. It didn't take long for the door to open. Squall stood in the doorway, bathed in golden light from the house. He was dressed in his typical all-leather ensemble. A loose leather jacket hung around his bare chest, a contrast to the tight leather pants that molded to his every curve. The man quickly ushered Sora inside and closed the door behind him. "Come in, you goof, before you catch your death." He remarked in the process, Sora currently being the only person in his life that he really talked to. "What do you think you're doing out there without a coat, anyway?" He asked, retreating down the hallway, motioning for the youth to follow.

"I didn't get a chance to grab one. I'll have to go back tomorrow though, to get my clothes." He sighed, dreading the fact. He _really_ didn't want to go back there, not after what had happened tonight. Squall shot him a sympathetic glance over his shoulder. Sora didn't look like any harm had befallen him after breaking it off with Riku, at least physically anyways. He had feared that Riku would become violent - it was in his nature.

"Oh, yeah. How did that go anyways?" Squall asked, nervously raking a hand back through his shaggy brown mane, wondering if he should have brought that up or not. Oh well, too late now. While waiting for Sora's response, they reached the room at the end of the hallway. It had been empty up until today. While Sora had been out, he'd set up a decent looking bedroom. If the boy was going to be staying with him, he should at least have a nice place to stay. It was a fairly big room, like most of the rooms in Squall's house, and it was decorated coolly. The black-sheeted bed stood in the corner, next to a lounging chair and night stand. On the opposite wall, Squall had erected an entertainment set as well as a bookshelf.

"Well, better and yet worse than I thought. He didn't get so much mad as he did sad. He was crying, and I have never seen him cry. Ever. Not even when we were kids." Sora grinned when he saw the room and threw his arms around Squall in a friendly hug. "Thanks so much for letting me stay here." The elder returned the hug, ruffling the youths spiky cinnamon hair.

"Hey, it's no problem. You were there for me when I needed you, it's the least I can do." He grinned before playfully bopping Sora on the top of his head. The boy looked up at him, grinning from ear to ear. He returned the smile, his not as nearly as big. "That's what friends are for, right?"

"You betcha!" Sora laughed and punched Squall lightly in the arm. The elder feigned injury, holding his arm and pouting. The youth fell for it. As concern painted itself on his face, Leon tripped him.

"What are you doing down there, Sora?" He asked, innocently enough, a light smile gracing his face. With a look of indignance, Sora stuck his tongue out at his elder. So far, Squall's plan to take his mind off Riku had been working wonderfully. He hated seeing Sora sad, it just didn't fit him.

"Well, in case you don't remember, you tripped me! Meanie!" The both shared a bit of a laugh at this while Leon bent over to help Sora to his feet. The youth took Squall's hand and allowed himself to be pulled up. He didn't even suspect a thing when the brown-haired man let go of his hand halfway through lifting him. Sora landed hard on his tail bone.

"Are you quite fond of the floor? I put up a bed for you, you know." He gestured to the piece of furniture behind him with a slight smirk on his face. "But if you insist, I guess you can stay there." He shrugged his shoulders and made as if to leave, but halted when he felt the boy latch onto his left leg. Arching an eyebrow, Squall looked down at his stowaway. "And what, may I ask, do you think you're doing?" He brought a hand up to his chin and scratched it thoughtfully.

"Preventing you from going anywhere." Sora beamed up at him, his grip around Leon's leg not slackening in the least. Raking his fingers through his shaggy locks, Squall let out a deep rumbling laugh. Confused and curious as to what was so funny, Sora did the only thing he could think of to attract Leon's attention without sacrificing his grip on his new roommates leg.

"Ow! Sora, did you just _bite_ me?" Squall asked, incredulous. The leech that was still clamped onto his leg laughed a bit in response, nodding his head.

"Sure did. Got a problem with it?" He retorted, rather nonchalantly. "As I said before, you aren't going anywhere!" The elder laughed again. Just who was cheering up who was becoming less and less defined.

"I don't think a runt is going to keep me from moving about my house." Leon smiled, emphasizing his point by walking rather normally, even with Sora dragging on the floor behind him. "Lucky for you I have hardwood floors." He commented, still pulling the boy behind him. Sora couldn't help but to laugh. At first it started out as a few well-natured chuckles, but it erupted into something more serious at the way Squall looked while walking. Eventually, it got so severe that Sora could no longer hold onto Leon's leg and ended up spread-eagle on the floor. "Honestly, what is it with you and my floor, boy?" False frustration in his voice as he about-faced, hand on hip when he looked down at his new roommate.

Sora, who was still laughing, found himself unable to reply, his sides aching from laughing so hard and tears in his eyes. He hadn't laughed like this in a while, not since realizing that he had fallen out of love with Riku. It actually felt good, knowing he could spend time with his friend without having a jealous boyfriend breathing down his neck when he returned home. As much as Sora had tried to assure Riku that Squall was only a friend, it never seemed to work. The silver-haired youth always jumped to conclusions whenever he'd brought Leon's name up in a conversation. When the youths laughter finally died away, he tilted his head towards his friend.

"Squall, thanks again. For everything." He said, his voice taking a completely serious edge. Leon closed the distance between them and offered Sora his hand, this time pulling him all the way to his feet, where he ruffled the boys cinnamon hair again.

"You are very welcome, Sora. I am glad that I can help you as you helped me." Indeed, Sora had helped him immensely when he and Cloud separated. Squall had been a complete mess after the breakup, having laid in bed and refuse to address the outside world under any circumstances. He wouldn't even get up to let Sora in when he visited. Not to be deterred, the boy had climbed in through Squall's bedroom window and demanded that he pull himself together. It had taken a lot of coaxing, but he had eventually gotten over it. He probably never would have without Sora's support. Now it was his turn to lend a helping hand to the youth.

"So, um, what's for dinner?" Sora interrupted his musings with a hopeful voice. It was just like him to shift from something so serious, to something so frivolous. He had a knack for doing it too, and nobody ever really noticed until it was too late. Squall chuckled to himself, having picked up on his little trick, but not addressing it.

"I don't know. What do you want?" Leon had a feeling this would end up going nowhere, as neither of them were very good with decision making.

"I don't know. What d'ya got?" The boy quirked an eyebrow, looking up at Squall with an expression of delightful puzzlement.

"I don't know. Why don't you check?" Yep, definitely not going anywhere soon.

"I don't know. Why don't _you_?" Another one of Sora's little idiosyncrasies; the fondness for repeating questions when he wanted to avoid answering them.

"Because I'm not the one who asked." Squall found himself with the childish urge to stick his tongue out at the boy, perhaps derived from their childish bickering.

"So! I'm not the one cooking!" Sora beat him to it.

"Who said _I_ was cooking anything?" Leon made a face.

"Me! Deal with it!" Sora made one right back.

"What if I don't want to?" Squall blew a raspberry.

"Too bad!" Sora shot him the bird.

"I think you underestimate my capabilities, little boy." Squall flipped him two.

"Bring it, old man!" And with that the two were rolling around on the floor, wrestling like a bunch of children. Anyone that would have seen Squall like that probably would have suffered a heart attack. Anyone that would have seen Sora would have laughed at how red his face was. And if Riku had seen them? Well, he'd have gone berserk. Speaking of Riku...

x.x.x

Having cried all that he was able to cry, the green-eyed boy lifted himself from the floor, which had grown rather cold. He was left feeling strangely empty. Not the emptiness he'd expected, that of losing someone dear, but more of an emotional numbness. He simply didn't _feel_ anymore. It was as if all his tears had been filled with every emotion that had ever been bottled up inside him, and upon letting them go, he had cleaned out all his emotional baggage. It was odd, really. All he was left with were memories. Even going through those, all the feelings that had been attached to them were gone. He wasn't sure which was better. The pain and sorrow after losing his lover or the emptiness that lingered. He felt kind of like a shell. There was nothing inside him anymore. Had he reverted to his most quintessential being?

He slowly walked through the house, taking in every detail that was so tied to his and Sora's past, though none of it seemed to effect him. It just... was. No matter how many memories were burned into the paint, no matter how many emotions had been thrown around the house, they had lost all their meaning to Riku. He was sure Sora was having fun with Squall now, but how did it make him feel? The fact that it didn't perturbed him. He was confused. He needed someone to talk to, but the sad thing was, he didn't have anybody. He'd been so centered around Sora that he never made any friends. He'd created plenty of enemies in people, most significantly, Cloud, but no one had ever been able to get past his self-possessed and cold exterior.

He climbed the stairs to their bedroom and plopped down on the mattress. It was almost as if the bed itself wrapped invisible tendrils of his past around him, forcing him to relive those moments. Those ghosts of memories still did not effect him. Hell, Sora could have been dancing naked in front of him, and he doubted he would even care.

He breathed out a deep sigh as he leaned against the headboard, drawing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. What was there to do now? It wasn't like he had a life outside of Sora. Chewing on his bottom lip, Riku stared blankly at the wall, his confusion building and intensifying. _He said he didn't love me anymore. I didn't think it was possible to fall out of love. Maybe he had mixed up his feelings. Maybe Sora never loved me at all. Maybe it was all just wishful thinking. I thought that he would be, you know, the one. Guess I was wrong again._ This oddly reserved state sent him into even wilder thoughts. Reaching far back into his memories to draw out his favorites.

_I remember the day when we first met. Surprising that I do, really. That was so long ago. I remember most clearly, his eyes. He had always been a shy kid, and the way those big blue eyes looked up at me from behind his mother's legs, that was burned into my mind forever. I remember that night when I realized I loved him. Laying on the beach in the dying sunlight, he turned to me and asked, 'Riku, do you believe in fate?' I wanted to scream 'Yes! I do. I believe in it with all my heart. I believe it's fate that some day you and I will be together, in each others arms for all eternity!' but I only nodded. I didn't want to confess the nature of my feelings. I feared rejection. But most of all, I remembered the day he confronted me and told me how he felt. There had been no beating around the bush, he just stalked up to me, determination in his lovely blue eyes and declared 'I love you, Riku.' Things were history from that point on. I never thought it would end. Is this our fate, Sora? Is this how things should have turned out?_ Even after all of that, the emptiness did not ebb away. If possible, it increased.

Absently, Riku lay his hand on Sora's pillow and instantly was flooded with pictures of his former lover's face. He quickly pulled the appendage away, as if he had been burned. _Maybe I'm going crazy, but this house is stained with you. I'm coated in you, Sora. No matter how far away I go, no matter how many times I try to clean myself, you'll always be there. Like a scar. No matter how many separate paths we take, you'll always be etched into my skin, into my very soul._ He needed fresh air, he decided, grabbing his jacket from the floor. He threw it over his shoulders and slowly descended the stairs. He had no idea where he wanted to go, if anywhere, he just wanted to escape what his life had so recently become.

As he flung open the front door, the chill of night plowed into his skin, like a slap. Winter would be coming soon. He pulled his coat tighter about himself and pressed onwards, his destination a surprise. _I've strayed from my path. Sora, when you left me, you let me wander. Maybe you never knew it, but you always were my guide. I don't know where to go without you. If I keep walking, it might lead me back to you. But, would you accept me now that I'm broken? Would you even recognize me? I know I'll never be the same Riku again. I can never be that person again._ A startling realization dawned on him as he stalked farther into town. _I wonder if this is how Leon felt when he changed his name. This sense of worthlessness, of failure as yourself. Maybe I should change my name too, start over with a clean slate, a new path. I wonder where I'll end up next._

* * *

**Author's Note:** Well, it wasn't too bad, was it? I know it's rather short, but I can never write lengthty first chapters. It's a curse, I tell you! Anyway, please review and let me know what you think! If you don't review, I won't know if you're reading, and thus will most likely not continue this fic. 

x. holds up a sign reading 'Please feed the hungry author'

Squall: Ech, Da'Ni, you are pathetic.

Guilty as charged, Squall, dear!

Riku: -incredulous- Sora broke up with me! There's something wrong with this world!

Sora: -points an accusing finger at Da'Ni- She made me!

Shut up, yew! Let the people review!

Squall: As if they will...

x. many bad things happen to Squall for being the sarcastic poo that he is.


	2. Embracing Denial

**Author's note:** Woo! The second installment! This probably would have been up sooner... but I eh sweatdrop got distracted. Y'see, I found this clip of the Diru boys (I'm a huge Dir en Grey fan) and Totchi and Shinya kiss! So I watched it about 100 times 'cause it was just that funny :P Yes, that was my sole source of distraction. Sad, nu?

**Warning:** Nothing too bad this chapter. Just language. Lots of bad language. I tend to give certain characters my bad habits. Swearing is one of those habits!n.n;;

**A brief look ahead:** Sora becomes intimate with the kitchen floor, lulls Squall to sleep, and has second thoughts. A violent confrontation, and Riku goes completely insane. :D

**_Don't say Goodbye Chapter 2: Embracing Denial_**

* * *

The oven wailed, startling Sora so bad that he fell from the stool he had perched on. He landed on the linoleum floor with a loud smack, stars dancing in front of his eyes when his head contacted with the counter. Squall's unmistakable laughter run from the doorway as he watched the scenario. The boy rolled over, he head pounding, and he found himself only able to see the man's legs as he walked towards the still-screaming object, quickly shutting it off. He took a few more steps until he stood right in front of Sora and looked down at him with a bemused expression. "You okay?" He asked, shifting his weight to one leg, grey eyes alight with fondness.

"You look funny." Sora stated, raising an arm to weakly point up at his companion before giggling wildly. The way that Leon's hair draped around his face caused odd shadows to form by his eyes and mouth, making him look really creepy. Arching an eyebrow, Squall fixed Sora with an appraising glare.

"Hasn't even been staying with me for a day and he's already gone insane." The brunette blew out a pseudo-exasperated breath and threw his arms up in an overly exaggerated fashion. Sora did not seem to notice, however, as he was rolling around on the kitchen floor, holding his stomach and shaking with laughter. Leon prodded the cinnamon-haired boy with his foot, though it seemed to have no effect. "Well, I guess you don't want your pizza then." He stated as a last ditch effort to get Sora off of the floor.

"My pizza!" The youth shrieked, launching himself from the floor and onto Squall's back all within the space of a second. Unprepared for the added weight, he almost fell, but managed to grab the counter to steady himself. Sora remained steadfastly attached to his back and the elder was reminded of a bloodsucking parasite commonly called a tick. Though the boy did not suck blood, he was surely doing a good job of siphoning all of Squall's dignity.

"Well then, get off me and go get it, you kamikaze midget." The elder jeered, shrugging Sora off of his back and retreating into the living room where he fell onto the couch, finding himself rather exhausted. Having spent most of the day setting up Sora's room had left him tired. Not to mention wrestling and joking with the boy, which happened to devour what was left of his energy. He'd sleep well tonight, that was for sure, especially if he made it to his bed. No sooner than Leon had gotten comfortable when he was interrupted by a loud squeal and the blue-eyed males voice yelling.

"Shimatta! That's HOT! OwOwOw!" A smile tugged at the corners of Squall's mouth as he watched Sora shake his hands and blow on them through the opening of the breakfast nook. Shaking his head in an 'I-can't-believe-you-just-did-that' sort of way, he called back to his new, rather dense, roommate.

"Oh, Sora! Be careful. It might be hot!" Sometimes teasing the boy was a little too fun.

"No shit, Sherlock!" Sora shouted back, occasionally puffing on his hands.

"For such a little boy, you sure have a naughty mouth!" The cinnamon boy could almost hear the grin in Leon's voice.

"Fuck you, Squall!" He hissed back, sticking his hands in the sink and turning on the cold water.

"Do I have to wash your mouth out with soap?" Squall said after failing to stifle a yawn.

"Yamuf... arffm...maumm...um!" Was his reply, Sora sticking his head out the opening, pizza stuffed in his mouth.

"Speak English," Yawn "Sora." By this time, all playfulness had been sapped from his voice. A devious idea popped into the youth's head as he snatched another slice of pizza. Grinning from ear to ear, the boy bounded into the living room and threw himself onto the couch. Well, more specifically, Leon. When the brunette opened his mouth to complain, Sora stuffed the food into the waiting chamber. Choking, Squall threw the boy from him and coughed, trying to clear his airway.

"I win!" Sora began to dance madly, laughter interrupting his cheers of supposed victory. Indignantly, Leon chucked the pizza at his roommate, and as luck would have it, it stuck directly onto the cinnamon-haired boy's rump while he was in mid-dance. Now it was the brunette's turn to laugh. Shocked, Sora whirled around, hand exploring his bum for that which had offended him. He pulled the pizza from his backside and fled into the kitchen to dispose of it. Before returning to the living room, he shovelled the rest of the pizza into his mouth. Squall took advantage of the silence to lie back down. Gods, he was tired.

Sora trotted back into the living room, tummy full, and content. He sank to the floor by the couch that Leon lay upon, leaning his back up against it. Maybe it was because he'd just eaten a whole pizza, or maybe it was because Squall was radiating 'relax waves', but the youth felt considerably unwound. Absently, the brunette reached his hand out to affectionately rustle the boy's hair. Both of them remained silent, simply basking in the glow of each others company. Each lost among the mysteries of their minds, toying with memories and imagining the future. Leon had grown so accustomed to the silence that he began to think he was alone, even though his fingers were still twined in Sora's hair. He almost jumped when the boy's voice reached his ears.

"Do you think I did the right thing?" There didn't seem to be any emotion in his voice, it was very monotone. Even though he knew conversation on this topic was inevitable, he really didn't want to address it tonight. He was sleepy, after all, and the couch was very comfortable. Squall teased the boy's hair a bit longer before withdrawing his hand. He didn't notice the pout on the youths face when he started to answer.

"You told me that you didn't love Riku anymore. I know that you still care for him as a friend, but you have to realize that letting go will be difficult. Missing him doesn't mean loving him and simply liking him isn't enough." The elder rolled over onto his side to face Sora, while the boy shifted around so that their eyes met.

"I know, Leon. It's just that I keep thinking about him. I remember how you were when Cloud broke up with you, and then I wonder if he's going through the same thing. I would feel absolutely horrible. I'm not trying to, you know, offend you or anything, but you were really screwed up. I hope that my helping you played at least a small role in making you better..." He trailed off, uncertain as to how to put the rest of his thoughts and feelings into words.

"Sora, you have no idea how much you helped me. Without you, I probably would still be in my bed, moping. I owe you so much. If my knowledge of Riku is correct, he is quite strong. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. A lot stronger than I ever was or could hope to be. I'm sure he misses you as well, but he is probably handling your breakup better than I handled mine." Almost instinctively, his hand returned to Sora's hair, playing with it briefly before realizing what he had done and pulled his hand away. He loved the texture of the boy's hair, it reminded him of Cloud's, though those cinnamon strands spiked naturally. It was so soft too, not having the build-up of gel and hair spray that Cloud's usually did. And the boys eyes, so strikingly blue, like sapphires or deep ocean waves. While Strife's eyes had been more sky blue, they were no less enticing. Without being able to stop himself, Leon's eyes trailed down the boys face, intently taking in the details. His perpetually rosy and round cheeks always gave Sora's face a boyish look, despite the fact that he was only three years younger than Squall. His lips were rather full, petal pink, and always seemed to be stuck in a pout - as they were now.

There was no doubt about it, Sora was damn cute.

"Well, I'm glad I helped, Squall. You're doing wonders for me right now. I know what you're saying is true, but I can't help but to worry. I mean, I _did_ love him, and I'll always care for him, but it's just so confusing. Another thing is that, well, Riku doesn't really have any friends. He always got jealous when I introduced him to all of my friends. He and Cloud practically became mortal enemies when they met. And you know how he was around you. He got all suspicious when you let me call you Squall and he always thought that we were, you know, together." During his little speech, his eyes strayed towards the large bay window opposite the couch. The moon, hanging low in the sky, twinkled at him. A smile split his face, despite his predicament, as he remembered that night on the beach so many years ago.

"_Sure is pretty, isn't it, Riku?" Sora asked, azure eyes fixated on the shifting sky. Behind them, it was darkening from pale blue to dusky purple, and in front of them it glowed. The last rays of sunlight warmed the sand beneath them and filtered over the ocean to the fiery horizon. The vibrant array of reds and oranges that blazed in the sky streaked Riku's hair as well. The cinnamon haired boy had rolled onto his side so that he could study the even more breathtaking sight that was his friend._

"_Hnn, yeah." The other boy replied, not taking his lovely aquamarine eyes from the dying sun. Gods, he was beautiful. His lengthy silver tresses spread amongst the sand, highlighted with streaks of red, orange, and blue. The salty breezes that ghosted across the ocean swept on shore and captured several of those ethereal strands and sent them skittering over the older boys pale skin. Sora felt an odd pang of jealousy. He wanted to be the one to play with Riku's hair. Shaking it away, his eyes roved farther down his companion's body. From the exotic shapes of his face, to the curves of his torso and exposed hips. Ocean blue orbs studying the taut pale skin that he was just dying to touch and the intriguing tilt of his lips that were just begging to be kissed. Riku could have passed for a god, there was no question, but he remained at Sora's side at all times. He couldn't help but to wonder just what was so special about him that kept the silver haired angel around. Girls flung themselves at his feet and there were plenty of guys that would have gone gay for him, but Riku never abandoned Sora. He was always there, always. He had become the blue-eyed youth's guide, his secret haven, his reason for living._

_Ah, Sora had it bad, didn't he?_

"_Riku, do you believe in fate?" (What do you think our fate is, Riku?) This time, he turned to face his cinnamon haired partner and Sora found his breath stuck in his throat. Those gorgeous aquamarine eyes were burning with an intensity he had never seen before. There had been plenty of times when Sora had seen Riku's eyes shining with ambition, determination, and also anger, but never had he seen them like this. Just those eyes alone sent pleasant chills up and down his back. _

_Riku merely nodded his head in response,_ _those eyes never leaving Sora's. Questions bubbled up in the boys mind when his companion's face changed. What was that expression? What was he thinking? There were few things that he wouldn't give for the ability to read minds. Then again, Riku was such a deep and enigmatic thinker that the boy doubted he'd be able to understand his thoughts at all._

_Little did he know, the only thing running through Riku's mind then was 'I love you, Sora.'_

The scene faded from his mind and Sora snapped back into the here and now. The moon was no longer centered in the window. It had risen out of his sight. He wondered just how long he had zoned out for when he heard a soft mumble beside him. He turned around to see Leon sound asleep on the couch, his shaggy brown hair falling in his eyes and his right arm draping off the side of the piece of furniture.

Stretching, Sora stood up, his back and knees popping from having sat so still for so long. He yawned as he plopped down beside Squall's legs on the couch. He lay a hand on his roommate's shoulder and shook him gently. "Leon, wake up." His voice was soft without him meaning for it to be. Perhaps it was because the man looked so damn peaceful that he didn't really want to wake him up. Ah well, he was sure Leon would enjoy the night much better in his actual bed, and not out on the couch. "C'mon, Squall. Wake up."

"Hnnh, Sora?" His eyelids slowly fluttered open, grey eyes confused as he brought his hands to his face to wipe away the sleep. "Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep on you." He offered a sheepish smile. "But I was just so tired. You kind of lulled me right off." Lethargically, he sat up, hands sliding from his face to his hair. Grabbing handfuls of his mane, he opened his mouth wide for a yawn. How long had he been out for? It sure looked pretty late.

"Hey, it's okay. I kind of zoned out, myself." Sora mimicked the motion, sliding his fingers back through his sloppy cinnamon tresses. He stood from the couch and waited for Squall. "I woke you up because I figured you'd rather sleep in your bed than on the couch." The taller male swung his legs off the couch and rose to stand next to the boy. Ruffling his hair again, Leon headed down the hallway, followed by Sora. When they reached their respective doors, they said their goodnights.

"G'night, Squall. Thanks again!" Was Sora's.

"Sleep well, Sora. You are very welcome." Was Squall's.

And with that, they both retreated into their rooms, doors clicking shut at the exact same time. Squall stripped off his clothes before sliding into his warm cotton sheets, snatching a pillow and pulling it tightly to his chest. Having spent so many years with Cloud had left him with the inability to sleep unless he was curled around _something_. Almost as soon as his head hit the pillow, he was out. Sora, however, was faring much worse.

He did not go to bed immediately, merely sat on the edge of the mattress and looked out the window. His mind was racing with the events of the day. Sure, Leon had provided quality entertainment that had kept his mind, for the most part, away from Riku. But now, he was alone and left to his own devices. He wondered how Riku was doing, what he was doing, and if he was, at all possible, thinking of Sora.

x.x.x

He almost collapsed as another spasm of coughs ripped through his body. The harsh, cold, night air wasn't doing anything to help the fact either. With every cough, he felt as if his throat was being torn, it hurt from his mouth to his chest. He couldn't complain, however, as he had brought it upon himself. He had decided to flee from the house that teased him with its memories, practically throwing himself outside into the darkness. He knew the consequences when he took that first step. Had he cared? No, not one bit. He needed escape, and he got it all right. Escape with a side of a cold.

His feet pounded on the cement sidewalk, subconsciously, and he still hadn't a clue where he was going. All he knew was that he didn't want to go back to that house. Ever. He could never go back there knowing that Sora would not be there. It just wasn't supposed to be like this. They were meant for each other, dammit! Riku and Sora, Sora and Riku. It just fit. It _had_ to be. And yet, here they were, no longer Sora and Riku, but two separate people. Their union had been broken by a few simple words.

_Sora..._ his mind was racing. He wanted it to stop. _What did I do? Where did I go wrong? _He brought his hands to his temples, rubbing them. His head was pounding, aching, almost as much as his heart. _What am I going to do without you? I don't know who I am anymore. I can't be Riku without Sora. Who am I now? What have I become? _All these thoughts and questions and insults were whirling around in his head like a tornado. The kept building on one another, each dividing into more and more possibilities. Whenever he dismissed one, a multitude of others would take its place. Would this suffering ever end?

"Enough! FUCKING ENOUGH!" He roared into the still night air. And as simple as that, blissful clarity was blessed to his mind. He breathed out a deep sigh and stopping jogging, hugging himself tightly. Is this what his life was going to be like from now on out? Would he forever be wandering, never knowing where he'd end up, always looking back on the past...that would suck. Riku furrowed his brow and stared intently down at the cracked pavement. _No, I won't let that happen. I don't need Sora. There are plenty of other people out there. Maybe I can't be Riku without him, but I can be someone else!_

Aw, shit. Do we have another Squall-turned-Leon kind of deal going on?

With newly born determination, Riku(Or whoever he was now) charted his course. He was going to start off this new life doing something no one that even remotely knew him would ever think to do. Yeah, that's right. He was headed to Cloud's house.

Standing in front of the door to Cloud's house, he knocked on the door, figuring that he would have to wake the blonde up. It was rather late, after all. He had a very, well, Riku-like smirk on his face, even if he didn't want to be _Riku_ anymore. To the boys surprise, the door opened not long after he knocked on it and a half-dressed, incredulous Cloud stood in the doorway.

"The fuck are you doing here, Riku!" He growled, blue eyes flashing dangerously. True, everyone that knew Cloud and Riku knew that they hated each other. They would hate each other within an inch of their lives. Hell, they abhorred one another so much that even when they were dead and buried, they'd probably have 'I hate Riku' or 'I hate Cloud' on their headstones. Not that it mattered now, as Riku wasn't Riku anymore.

"Don't call me that." _Riku_ hissed back, eyes narrowing, boring into Clouds. A flicker of confusion skittered past those baby blues. It left almost as soon as it came, but danced back a few moments later. A slender blonde eyebrow arched over those icy eyes, his body outrageously rigid.

"What the hell are you talking about? Riku is your fucking name isn't it?" The eyebrow fell back into its place as he stared at the male standing in the doorway. It was kind of odd how neither of them knew just why they hated each other so much. It just happened to be one of those 'I hate you at first sight' deals.

"I'm not Riku anymore. I can never be him again. He was a weak, pathetic fool." His voice was low with... self-hatred? No, it couldn't be. As he had stated so himself, he wasn't Riku anymore. Blowing out an exasperated breath, Cloud slapped a palm to his forehead. If he didn't calm himself down, he'd end up killing "Riku".

"You're not making any god damned sense! You still look like the same bastard to me!" He was tired, he was frustrated, and he was pissed. He didn't want to deal with any of _Riku_'s crap. Dammit, he was confused and he HATED being confused. Almost as much as he hated Riku.

"Riku... he's gone. He disappeared when Sora left him. I am not Riku. I am his opposite, his shadow. I am strong where he was weak." His voice was dead serious, confusing the blonde even more. Gods so help him, if only he had his sword...

"Are you fucking crazy! Are you drunk or delirious, or what? Riku, the hell's wrong with you?" He only wanted to go back to bed, not deal with all the crazy shit the boy was spewing. Why did he even open his door in the first place?

"I told you not to fucking call me that! I am _NOT_ Riku!" Okay... maybe he shouldn't have gone to Cloud. He should've known that the blonde wouldn't know what the hell _Riku_ was talking about. Did he really blame him though? It was rather early... or late. Whatever.

"OKAY! So you're not Riku, just who the hell are you, then!" Impatiently, Cloud ran his fingers back through his hair. "And why the fuck did you come to my house in the middle of the god damned night!" That little question had been nagging at the back of his mind for a while, as it made absolutely no sense.

"I...I don't know who I am anymore, but... I'm not him. Riku exists only with Sora..." It seemed he just now noticed that the lights in the neighbours houses had been turned on. They had been yelling pretty loud, probably waking several people up. He also got the feeling that they were being watched. Sacrificing his pride, he drew his eyes back to Clouds. "Look, I'm sorry for bugging you, okay? But, may I please come in? I'll explain everything. I just... I need someone to talk to."

Cloud shifted around, studying _Riku_'s face closely, weighing his words until deciding that he sounded sincere enough. With a soft 'pfft', he stepped aside and let the silver-haired boy inside, pushing the door closed behind him. "Whatever." A brief, gracious glance towards the blonde, who had already turned his back, stalking into the open living room.

The room was so... beige, as if the swordsman had been afraid to leave any traces of himself on the house. The colors were neutral, there were no decorations. The walls, white, were bare of any pictures, trinkets, mementos, anything. The furniture was a light tan color, looking as if it had hardly been used in its life. Sinking down into one of the chairs, he quickly noted that under-use was not the problem. He had forgotten that Leon and Cloud had lived here, not at Leon's new house. Well, technically Leon's new house. Leon had lived there before Cloud and he moved in together. A slight smirk pulled at his lips, _Where the hell are these thoughts coming from?_ He shook them away as the blonde claimed a chair opposite the room.

"Well, whoever you are, please, do tell me what it is you need to talk about. I'm all ears." Sarcasm was dripping from his voice, though _Riku_ paid no heed to it. That's just how Cloud was; sarcastic, pessimistic, cynical, temperamental. He leaned back into the cushions of the chair, crossing his legs at the ankle and brought his fingertips together underneath his chin. _He looks like a damned psychiatrist._

"You really want me to explain? It may take a while..." He had a lot on his mind and he figured that if he started, he wouldn't be able to stop until he got it all out. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to make Cloud suffer through all his emotional turmoil or not. The last dying Riku bit of him did, while this new part of him didn't.

"Seeing as you woke me up just to," air quotes, "talk," end air quotes, "I guess I could listen to what you have to say. It's not like I have anything better to do." He swiped a few stray strands of his blonde hair away from his eyes. Since he had planned on actually sleeping that night, it lacked it's normal spiked up-do and fell softly around his angular face.

"Well, okay. It all started out earlier this evening..." He started, launching into explanation of Sora's and Riku's breakup, which was technically his. Seeing as he no longer wished to have any attachment to his former self, in his descriptions, one would think that he was speaking in third person point of view. From the point of Sora walking out, his breakdown on the floor, and escape into the darkness, he remained talking like that. Sparing no details, his story proceeded to the point where this new person was born. Where Riku disappeared and left this alter ego, and that's who was sitting in Cloud's living room right then, not Riku. Upon finishing, he returned his eyes to the blonde's, waiting on a response.

"Ohh...kay." The swordsman breathed out, blinking slowly a few times. His prior suspicions of Riku's insanity were confirmed by that point. "So... what you're saying is that Sora broke up with you - I mean, Riku," he added quickly after seeing the glint in the others eyes. "And because of that, Riku's gone. There can't be a Riku without Sora?" His reply was a curt nod. "So you, whoever the heck you are, practically pulled a Squall, hm? Because of your failures, or Riku's failures, that persona 'died. Instead of facing those mistakes and fixing them, you've chosen to avoid them completely." He groaned, planting his bare feet firmly on the floor, placing his elbows on his knees, and resting his forehead on his upturned palms. "Agh. You're really screwed up."

"Maybe I am, but it's my life to screw up, is it not?" _Riku_ sighed, sliding farther into the chair until he was just plain uncomfortable. _I don't know what to do with myself. Hell, I don't even know who 'myself' is anymore._ He pushed himself back up into a sitting position and drew his knees up, feet resting on the edge of the chair. He beat his head into his lap for a moment before resting it there, realizing how tired he was.

"Yeah, guess you're right. Just one question, if you're not Riku, then what the hell am I supposed to call you!" Good question indeed. Cloud lifted his face from his hands and glared at the silver-haired male across the room from him. Being unable to see the youths face did not deter his glare, however. _Riku_ pondered a bit on that before mumbling into his thighs.

"I don't know. I really don't know."

* * *

**More Author's Note Stuff:** ehehe. Just. Don't. Ask. This is not at all how I wanted this chapter to be, but...uhh, I guess the guys kind of took it and ran. n.n; Anyways, please review! 

Cloud: Mouu... what is it with my hair?

Riku: -points to author(ess?)- It's 'cause yer blonde. Da'Ni is a blonde too, no matter how many times she dyes it.

x. Threatens Riku with bodily harm .x Dare ye mention my secret! I shall remove your vital organs and feed them to my dog!

Riku: -cough- Ehm... what 'vital' organs?

That thing between your legs, mister! And other things too, like your heart and brain 'cause they're, y'know, cliche.

Riku: Ulp. x.x;;

Sora: -skips by in a pink sundress- Review! Tra la la la la!

(Da'Ni wants to take this moment to thank her two lovely reviewers... You're thanked! Flatterers.)


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